It has been just over a month since I sent out my last formal letter. I have been able to write some smaller letters so some of you may be familiar with pieces of this info. I was really in a difficult place then. The areas of my responsibilities (art and hospitality) were both at maximum demands. Somewhere in the middle of all of that I also moved for the 3rd time in 3 months. There were serious behavior problems with some of the children. In general it is so very difficult to find a place and time to retreat without constant interruptions or people with needs. Mixed in this all was Sabina, a vulnerable child most horribly violated, who was in need of extra love and care. In hindsight besides being exhausted I see I had allowed my emotions and focus to respond to problems, causing my heart to get somewhat hard, rather than keeping them fixed on Jesus and on all the good things that were happening.I did finally get away to that campground I mentioned just last weekend. We had some major rains earlier in the month that made the road in impassable and then I got busy again with the day to day responsibilities. I had all these great ideas for my time away … like uninterrupted time with Jesus for refreshing and direction with situations I faced. I brought my drawing paper and pencils. I brought my cd player (non-walkman) because I was told that there was solar power. I got there and there was no power so I had silence … just the birds and the bugs … and I slept and slept and slept. Really! I was only awake for about 8 hours Sat and 4 hours Sunday. Every time I’d wake up I’d say “God I really want to spend time with you, I really want to hear from you” and I sensed He was saying to me “just rest” so I’d lay there and fall back asleep! I knew I was tired but had no idea I was that exhausted!

The best news I can possibly share in response to what was in my last letter is that Sabina now lives here at the center!!! We crossed through the gate of Iris with her for the first time after getting a verbal ok of her release to us on Dec 31st just after 1pm. What a perfect visual she is of the year 2008 being the “Year of New Beginnings”. Within hours she looked and behaved like a different little girl. As I tried to explain it to somebody else these words seemed to sum it up so well … “She now had security and so she was free to just be a little girl”. In this way her life is another great word picture or lesson. If we truly had or grew in our understanding of the Heavenly Father’s desire and ability to protect and provide for us, how would it change our behavior and even appearance? I can’t express how much it still means to me to have her living here. With all the challenges, chaos and things that break or do not work right, there is something greater. A little girl of 5 maybe 6 no longer wanders the villages alone without somebody to see that she is protected, fed, washed and has a place to sleep. It really puts it all in perspective, and she is just one of many. Yes, other situations need addressing but personally seeing Sabina come from being neglected and abused and then raped to life here has refreshed my appreciation and gratitude to be able to pour out my life here! Oh … and so far her HIV tests are negative!

I have had some great breakthroughs with many of the other children also. I will share one. She is an older girl and almost always looks angry and hard. For Christmas we used two large fabric billows around the base of the tree that a friend had left here with me a year ago. When I discovered it had been cleaned up I asked about them because I really wanted them back. They were for the children to use and dance with. I found out that this girl had been told by the person in charge to give them to Tanya, one of the other missionaries. Long story short - they are gone - nobody knows anything - and they never show up again. Honestly, I was mad when I first found this out. I think both from the feeling of personal violation and also because I had a hesitation in my spirit when asked for them to be used that way but in my busyness I ignored that. So then I brought it before the Lord and over the next week would check back with her and the girl over her in the dorm with no success. I just decided I would forgive and let it go. A couple of weeks ago I went up to the girl’s dorms at night to get something from one of them but also because I heard them worshiping and I just wanted to be there. When I sat down and joined in this girl came and sat by me but not right next to me. I could see her watching me. After a couple of songs she apologized to me and I was able to stare her straight in the eyes and say “I forgive you”! Since then there has been a “little crack” on her hard exterior. I make sure anytime I see her to greet her even if she is not looking at me. Last Thursday was the girl’s day for art class. She brought down some photographs and her journal and wanted help putting the pictures in. I showed her the best way to do it. Then she showed me how some of the pages were loose so I was taping them back in. As I was doing that she was staring at me and she said/asked in a very quiet and humble manner, “You really do love me, don’t you?” I smiled real big and responded “Yes”. J

Another great thing is that for 3 weeks now about 5-6 of us missionaries meet at the prayer hut every morning M-F, 7-8. It has been wonderful to join together in prayer and worship and to see the results in various areas. It is so good … God is so good!

I have been in touch with the Ben Schumacher, the founder and director of “The Memory Project” www.thememoryproject.org I am praying about involvement with this. There’s a story leading up to the contact but I think I will save that for another time.

I will be returning to the states a bit earlier than my ticket was originally booked for. I leave here on the 19th and arrive back in St Louis on the 20th of February. I will fly out to Bethel Church in Redding , CA for a conference on Prophetic Arts Feb 27th -29th and will stay for their weekend services. I plan on returning to Pemba April 15th. It will be good to see friends and family back there but it is going to be very hard to not see “my” kids for that period of time!

Ten days ago my computer completely locked up apart from a password which was not set and until now is still unknown. (Thankfully at this point I have access to the Hospitality computer) Within days of that my camera began not working right. For the past 2 days I have been sick.(First time since I have been here) Today I brought Sabina up to my room to sleep because she is being treated for Malaria and was vomiting. (The toddler house is not the most quiet and peaceful place to be if you are not feeling well.) She pretty much slept all day until 7 pm when I brought her back down to her dorm. There are many trials at this time but I am so encouraged with all that God has in store for this next season of my life.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 27th, 2008 at 2:12 pm and is filed under Updates . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.